25 November 2025
Today is the first time I've been aware of a creative cycle seemingly closing its loop in a way that feels akin to releasing an album. Or maybe an EP is more accurate, as the by-product was only four paintings. And the first of those was resolved around October 18th, so they're from a relatively short window—less than two months. In that time I completed ten paintings that I at least considered sharing at one point or another, but six of them ultimately didn't have the legs. A body of work...
What is important to note is how those two months feel more fully formed as a period of inquiry than any other period of artistic output that I've been through. This probably has to do with a number of factors, but protecting and maintaining my attention within my privacy seems chief among them. I've plotted out my points of material, aesthetic, and conceptual research regularly here, so I won't get into all of that right now. I mainly want to notice what it feels like to have been fully engaged in the natural stages of making and showing, from the seeds of a set of ideas to their resolution to sharing them with a wider audience.
Since that sharing, (first via my open studio and then to my community via online channels and outreach to interested parties), I've been pretty unsatisfied with what I've made since getting back to work in the past few days. I think that has to do with how hardened my understanding of my work feels in this moment; as much as I try to put what I'm doing into words here, the time developing my work in my studio before sharing it is not explainable, rational, or logical. The best choices made in my own painting are focused, yes, but not on coherent thought. They are made from a lightness, a delighted joy in the what-ifs that swirl around in the mind during a state of play-centric flow. So the time spent exporting the work into digestible language (in public conversation, grant/art prize applications, etc.) is basically the opposite state. It's an unavoidable part of the process of course, so this is not a lament. It's just a way of telling myself how much more can be done to sharpen the ability to toggle between those modes. Thank you for your patience.