Park bench: revisited the bench subject, as my first attempt didn't really do it for me in the end when I got fresh eyes on it yesterday. As nice as the worked-in color was optically, there's just something about the physical quality of really thick, built-up paint that I'm repelled by in my own work (not in the work of others who do it well, to be clear). I guess it has something to do with how I deal with preserving intentionality, lightness of touch, sensitivity, etc. Anyway, iterating on/coming back to subjects has been something of a game changer for me; something that being in my own space surrounded by my reoccurring thoughts has catalyzed. Slowly getting over the disappointment that accompanies an idea that doesn't reach its potential and learning to take instructions from it instead. This time I focused a lot more on repetitive touch and constant subtraction, reminded me a bit of how it felt to handle the paint that made Destruction as well as building—never letting it settle or cover too much space, always making more marks and negating those marks over and over again. This one does feel like it got pretty close to something inherent to the visually disorienting quality that made the bench's anatomy appealing in the first place, but I gave it a border that ended up connecting to the bench's rail in a similar way to the last time I tried, which felt a bit gimmicky. But that could possibly be negated as well with a well-placed line in pencil or a slight tweak in the transition from the border to the rail, so we'll see if it can be resolved. A lasting image of Max Keene's wonderful piece World Dance (2025) has been going around the city with me in my mind this week.

Belief structure: finally a title and a resolution for the small wireframe star sculpture painting I've been working on. Originally thought it would serve as a study for a larger work, and it still might. But it holds its own now, I think. Jonathan's feedback helped me believe in it (thank you Jonathan if you're reading this). I've been spending a lot of time with Hans Bellmer's drawings and paintings, especially an untitled painting from 1956 that was included in Galerie 1900-2000's 2023 show The Surreal World of Hans Bellmer—a thin, delicate, precise constellation of thin forms, subtly highlighted by small pink accents, spanning a cloudy blue-green space that bring to mind knuckles or protrusions from a landscape in the vein of the 20s Paul Klee linework stuff I've mentioned here recently. That must have been a guide for Belief structure, and it seems like it is becoming fruitful to veer further into the space that work lives in as I try to formulate my own way of getting forms to reckon with the illusory space they inhabit, both in the imagination and on the surface.

Adrian Morris at Sylvia Kouvali: first time seeing his work in person, and first time seeing a show at Sylvia Kouvali. Which I mention because it will likely be my last if they install every painting show like this one. The gallery's space has some natural charm with its patterned wood floor and roughly-textured white walls capped by a ring of pale yellow tiling that kisses the ceiling, but the room was really dark, and the paintings were inexplicably lit by fluorescent white tube lights placed directly underneath them. Not only did this completely change the experience of the color and surface dimensionality of the work, but when you try to get close to a painting, the light nearly blinds you from below. Completely distracting, irresponsible, and unfair to the artist and the work. Not to mention the audience. Curatorial malpractice. It takes a lot for me to complain, but it's warranted here. Especially when presenting work that is all about subtlety of line and texture and space via long-term accumulated surfaces. The work is probably lovely in the right setting, and I'm glad I saw it. One little portion that was chipped away from a pink painting to reveal an entirely cerulean blue layer embedded deep down was worth the visit. I can imagine they were real mediations. I just think Mr. Morris would turn in his grave if he were to see how his life's work is being treated in this show.

“Beggar's Song” by Gregory Orr (2002)

Here's a seed. Food for a week. Cow skull in the pasture; back room where the brain was: spacious hut for me.

Small then, and smaller. My desire's to stay alive and be no larger than a sliver lodged in my own heart.

And if the heart's a rock I'll whack it with this tin cup and eat the sparks, always screaming, always screaming for more.

Bench: painted a bench I saw in Dulwich Park while walking there a few weeks ago. Made of wooden slats riveted to thin, flat, ribbon-like iron rails. I remember that from a certain angle it separated from its function and took on the appearance of something like a rickety bridge, or piano keys, or teeth. That Ruscha pastel and gunpowder drawing Self (1967) came to mind after I painted it—the attempt at solidified grace. And the rail attached itself to the image's border, which I taped off loosely (for no discernible reason, but in hindsight was a decision that gelled nicely with the slight warping of the planks that comprise the bench's sitting surface). Thought about Rita talking about making unforgiving paintings too. An intentional arrangement of an observation, a speculative suggestion for seeing. Color needs to be worked in a bit more, but it's almost there.

A painting where the emergence of the forms that comprise it is delayed and resisted for as long as possible. A monochrome painting, intense flatness, forms only described by short light shadows and textures. A painting with linework topography built into its prepared surface by using thickened transparent primer. A bleeding background. A cloud as a color/linework study. A painting on a layer of bubbles. A painting made by scraping away black and white over a colorful underpainting wash. A collage made with clear tape tinted by thin washes of acrylic. A painting of an image broken into Doppler segments—a meeting in the image near where the segments are closest/most intense.

Had limited time today, so I took out a small panel and decided to paint the wireframe star that I saw in a window that I've had taped to the studio wall for a week or so now. It answered the call in a lovely way, and I think it will end up serving as a study for a larger and more refined version of itself. Which isn't an order of operations I've really employed before, but it feels necessary and right for this case. Anyway, the way the star shape divided space made for a nicely dizzying structure to work within—each slice of the shape became a plane to deal with/play with. To thicken forward or dilute back, to accentuate or hide, to fill or erase, to mark the time spent characterizing the depth of the surface holding this thin but totemic thing. Was reminded again of Phoebe Helander's wire paintings on the way home tonight, and maybe they were a subconscious guide. Had Catherine Murphy's 2014 Studio Wall drawing (it's in her beautiful 2016 monograph that I have) sitting there while I was working too.

The Leonardo book A Life in Drawing (2019) has been open on the floor of my studio this week; specifically his map drawings. In the summer of 1504, he was employed by the Florentine government to map parts of the river Arno, and there's one drawing in particular that I keep returning to—on page 127, fig. 93—A weir on the Arno east of Florence. It describes damage to the river embankment from water bursting through a weir. Such a wonderful drawing, the movement of the water alive in his precisely-rendered rushing and swirling lines, the site of destruction gently heightened with a darker blue than the rest of the wash representing the water. That meeting, between the physical intensity of natural phenomena and measured observational focus such that the eye dilates enough to make room for the emotion of a space to enter through the hand, is something close to what I'm after right now.

Image inventory: fuzzy figure on a street from above through a magnifying glass, a calligraphic graffiti of the letter B on the tube, the point of a man's mohawk on his neck approaching the apex of a mandala-like tattoo on his back, an arching tree canopy over a street receding downhill into a distant cluster of homes (near Crystal Palace Park), the tail of a concrete lion outside the British Museum, a peeling billboard of a billboard, at the top of a hill a yellow to red gradient sculpture (yellow and orange vertical steel beams leaning against a red one), dead fish stacked vertically in bowls on a table at a farmer's market, a spider web spanning a hole in a brick wall, a small wire dragonfly sculpture, a street intersection (stark shadows) from above, a mouse running across tube tracks.

I keep encountering stars. Glow-in-the-dark stars at the dollar store (have gifted them to friends for their studios and there's one in mine), the Big Dipper scooping the sky between Yena's flat and her neighbors' building when walking up the steep driveway to her door after her evening shift, the wrapping paper (navy with yellow stars) Ruba used for my birthday gift, the rainbow whirligig I found in Wood Green, and most recently, a sort of wireframe star sculpture in the window of a flat I saw from the second deck of a bus I was on while passing through Denmark Hill. It was almost pressed against the glass like a prisoner, and at its base was what appeared to be a pile of clothes that receded into darkness. I printed the photo I took from my printer, which is low on black ink, so it printed as basically an inverse image. That made it look like a giant star-shaped wind turbine beginning to disintegrate while looming over a mountainous landscape.